Scared

November 4, 2017

Im just so scared of growing up, dealing with so many things. Im stressed about overworking my a** off to get good grades. Stressed about scholarships and colleges and jobs. About who im going to be with when im older and if my life will stay on track or not.im scared im going to do something ill regret- if its either cutting myself, drugs or suicide. I want to do these things again, but i know i cant because i promised i wouldnt. I miss it so much. There isnt a day that goes by, but then in my mind i think i know i cant. Im scared because of the real world, its so ugly but beautiful. Its unique but theres so much hatred, sadness, and heartbreak. It breaks my heart when i think about the world and its imperfections. Im afraid to be angry, or sad, or to cry in front of you because youlll feel like you might not be able to handle me. Im terrrified of this- im terrified that youll leave me and break my heart. I feel like i have to bottle up my emotions  and just fake a smile and be happy all the time, and if i dont youll leave me. Im afraid to ask for a kiss because youll think im too clingy. Im afraid you wontever make this promise of never leaving me again. Im afraid if you ever make this promise that youll leave me. Im afraid to ask you to hold me, for a hug, etc. im afraid to vent to you and tell you my problems…
Im terrified youll leave me again and literally feel like i have no one.
Im afraid nowthat you wont care for me- that you wont care for what i do to myself. Im scared to be dependent on you because you got me out of my addiction.
Im scared to be a hopeless romantic, to put my heart on the line for you, and to have unrealistic standards from you. I dont want to sleep or eat or talk or anything. I want to close myself out for ever ntil im lonely, but i cant do that because i want you. I have so many wants. I hate to sound so greedy, im sorry i yell at you when im mad, and overthink and cry so much i want to have deep conversations with you and be called beautiful and reassure that you love me( which youve been doing alot more and i appreciate that) i want you to kiss me like you truly mean it, i know this is alot to ask for and im sorry, but these really arent unrealistic standards on your part. This is just part of whats going on now. Im sorry






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lasombraThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 7 at 11:31 am
i know how you feel mate. Ive been there. two things, it does help to talk about it and write about it. also tell them. if they cant handle it then it wasnt meant to be. dont give up hope on humanity just yet though. we are more resilient than we aRE GIVEN CREDIT FOR.
 
StephanyMoore3401 replied...
Nov. 7 at 8:09 pm
thank you, and i did tell them all of this, word by word, and they broke up with me. ill be okay though. that you :)
 
lasombraThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 8 at 11:33 am
no problem, im glad to help however and whenever I can.
 
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