October 15, 2017
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All our family and my grandma's friends were there,

some of the people I knew she hadn't spoken to in years.
I guess when someone is going to pass away it gives good reason to visit.
My grandma was so sick.
Everyone was crying as they stood around the bed she was laying in. 
I couldn't think about it anymore. 

While everyone talked and told their favorite stories about her,
I just sat there silent, thinking about losing her.
Being in a family friend's living room was nice though,
It was comforting with all the nice grey furniture and the sleek black rugs.
But it was only comfortable to an extent,
it lost its comforting touch when I realized my grandma was going to pass away in it.
Everyone was celebrating the good memories,
and all i could think about was the bad.
I couldn't help think about all the times i was rude to her,
or thought bad about her.
I felt godawful.

She didn't look like herself. 
That was the worst part.
Her face was pale and her mouth hung open.
The image was stuck in my mind like a magnet would stick to a fridge.
but you can take a magnet off a fridge, no one could take this image out of my mind. 
There was a terrible ache in my chest
I knew deep down that it would be there for as long as I lived.
I knew that my grandpa`s ache was worse than mine.
He had given up so much for her.
He had always taken care of her and now he couldn't help.
       When the moment came, my mom told me to go across the street to my Aunt's house,
even through the tears she was stern.
I listened, and thankfully, this is the place that helped me find some comfort.

I was sitting there in that seat I had seen Grandma sit in so many times before.
On Christmas when she watched me and my little brother open our gifts.
On her birthday while we ate cake and watched tv.
I sat in that spot studying the lines on my blue shirt that she told me she liked.
It was that moment I knew I would never be able to stay up with her and color.
I knew i would never be able to complain to her about school.
I knew i would never be able to ask her for those long red candies she always seemed to have.
It was in that moment I knew she was gone.
I felt so horrible for taking all those moments for granted.
But i felt that she would know how much i cared.
It was then that I whispered, “I love you grandma” ,
It was my last goodbye to her.
I was at peace and so was she.

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