3:42 a.m.

September 27, 2017
By Anonymous

As I lay alone awake in my bed
I wonder about what stays behind my roof, my walls, what to me at the moment is unseen
The moon
The endless amount of twinkling lights across the midnight sky known as stars that gleam
And the other souls that lay awake at night alone just like me

I lay and think about things I cannot be
Must not be
Impossible to be me
Trying to find sense and reason as to why I feel the way I feel when at once I couldn't tell a difference between my life and a dream

In denial is what you guess I could seem
How could this intense feeling of sadness but at the same time confusion fill this personality?

These feelings have came and went for as long as I remember but seem to grow as well with me
How do I find the help I need?
How do I look at the person who gave me life and tell her that the gift she gave me isn't going well for me and at times I wish I could just up and leave?
Not to any specific place yet either, as in I still have hope
That the feelings I'm feeling I eventually find a way to cope

Maybe I'm selfish
Maybe I'm stressed
Maybe what I'm feeling is normal to any other person my age or anybody in general for that matter at some point in life
Or maybe I need guidance and just refuse to admit it even if I was forced and my throat was met to a knife

Maybe it will get the best of me
Turning me into the figurative blackness I feel in my soul spreading slowly but yet so fast like a deadly disease
Bringing out my inner demons until I, myself is surrounded by nothing but the things I fear the most and is ashamed to say I am forced to deal with every day to day
Crying on my hands and knees, begging these demons to just let me be
Demons, please

Or maybe there's a different story for me
A different fate
A different destiny
Maybe the things I'm feeling won't even compare in 15 years as to the overwhelming feeling of the one thing I've been longing and starving for which is to simply be happy

I can't tell, much less do I know
I guess until then all I can really do is just sit in this bed and stare up at the ceiling wondering about the things behind my roof, my walls to me at the moment is unseen
Whether it's the moon or the stars that gleam
I'll stay living like the souls that lay awake alone at night, and wait, just like me.

The author's comments:

This is my first poem so please be kind. I sat and decided to put my thoughts into words. It's funny how some things so dark, can be synthesized into something more beautiful. I fell in love with poetry just by writing this. This definitely will not be the last.

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