Can I take a day?

September 21, 2017
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Can I take a day?
A single day where I am alone, not with the rest of this world that is filled to the brim with people who cannot help me.
Can I take a moment?
One where I do not feel the need to cry with every single word that spills out of my mouth like the water falls down the Niagara.
Can I stay home?
We can call it a “sick day” because being mentally ill is worse than being physically ill could ever possibly be.
When you're mentally ill…. You also feel it physically.
I was thinking maybe…. I could stay home, build a pillow fort and hide from my demons like they are the enemy soldiers trying to get into the castle my people and I worked so hard to build to take it over…. Because that is precisely what they are.
I was wondering if I could loose my thoughts by watching a movie while hiding in my castle fort because…. Sometimes being a child is all I have to escape the harsh realities of my life.
Can I stay home? I normally don't want to. . but when your teacher tells you to get off your high horse after you've said you don't like your class or you classmates…. You think…. Maybe there is a reason why.
If you had asked me sir… I would have told you I don't like the way I am treated. I am unhappy. I am not apart of this class just as there are a few other students who feel the same way.
When you told me to get off my high horse… it may have seemed like a joke to you but I wondered to myself,
How can the girl who every time she looks in a mirror and hates what she sees… the hair, the eyes, the nose,the chest, waist, mouth and everything else be on a high horse? I know that those people treat me the way they do for what we all know is that they are better. But I also realize that though I feel that…. It isn't true.
Can I take a day?
A day to recover from the mental pain I have been put through over and over again?
When she said those words to me I felt like dying because it was just someone else all over again and I promise you I know have lost all my faith in the people I cared about because of those words because she said them in spite of Everything she knew.
I had also lost someone close to me… not for the first time but for the fourth time, making me wonder what exactly I do wrong for it to become a trend.
Can I?
It sounds so selfish…. Maybe that is what I am… selfish like everyone before me and everyone to come after me…. I am not sure…. Asking to take something so precious…. But I think after all you've put me through…. I deserve to stop thinking about everyone else for a moment…. And think about myself





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