I lost you my best friend the one person I could tell anything and get real advice, not judgment. the one person who without fail would take me back to God but somehow I pushed you out, all I want to do is call you and tell you how stupid I was and how I wish I wouldn't have said anything but that's not the case because I want what's best for you because I love you. (as a friend) a genuine best friend and love is putting someone else above yourself and I am a black Whole right now and I had to let you go because I didn't want to drag you down with me. one day I will climb out and see the light and maybe we can be friends best friends if that's what you want but I don't know how long it's going to take, it will happen there is no doubt in my mind. but when is the question I am trying I really am but this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with so please forgive me for anything I have said or done to upset you, I honestly didn't mean to and I am so sorry but most of the time I was just trying to find something to talk about or distract me from my thoughts. if me not talking to you hurt you or made you think it was because of you, IT'S NOT it's all I don't blame you or anything and please don't be mad at me I am trying to do what's best. I don't even know if I am going to text you this but I needed to say it normally I would talk to you but that's not an option right now. but when I do get back I want to know about everything that happened in your life everything I missed everything I should have been there for. I know we might not be best friends ever again because of this we might not even be friends and that's ok, as long as you are happy so please don't wait for me find a new friend a new best friend even. don't focus all on me worrying about me and stuff just do you this probably sounds really dramatic but you know I am a drama queen (hair flip) but seriously maybe I am thinking way too much into this but I had to be sure if we aren't friends at the end of all of this I just want you to know you are the friend I have been waiting for my entire life and you mean so much to me.
bye Natalie I hope I see you soon