My Life of Distance

I could yearn for a state of unfeeling bliss,
for the brush of ice's numb-cold kiss.
After years of deceit
The smell of rotting meat
my dying life
folding in the flames of my pain.
I'd rather be the cool hard coal
burnt out but unchanging
buried but valuable.
A pleasant surprise when a vein's uncovered
an unknown source of power discovered.
Not these streams of suppressed anger
hidden danger
pressing steam, forward power
a pressure cooker waiting to blow.
A-forever stretching emptiness is my remedy;
the long sleep calls to me
as I die through my life
and walk unknowing through the years
to awake to the tears
of those who thought they knew me
but knew only what they could see:
a diamond hard polished surface
of lies and cut-off feelings and a disassociated
Soul.