Dear Mom and Dad

April 10, 2017
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Dear mom and dad,
You said you loved me with all your heart.
Together you tried to be the best parents,
And not let my life fall apart.
You thought you made me smile
And laugh everyday.
You thought you made me happy,
But I secretly want to go away.
You did not mean it,
When you said you loved me.
Since you always hit your little girl,
And ignored her pleas.
I wish for you to love me
Because me loving you,
Was taking all the love I could not give myself,
And putting it to good use.
I threw up after all the laughter,
To remind myself everything beautiful has a consequence.
I have died so many times,
But people seem to forget about me right after.
I wanted you to kiss all my scars
And diminish the pills.
Be the drawer that hid all my sharp things
and the person that carried my collapsed body to safety.
You will never understand,
I will always be a girl of wounds,
And a rope marked neck with cut up skin.
Someone once told me,
Better is not for those that are loved.
They just gave me false hope
In getting a better life.
Told my feet to stop running
And my mind to stop wondering.
Told my depression… good job,
You finally won.
Told my pain goodbye
And goodbye hello.
Keep the pills down,
And the food out.
Don’t say everything will be okay.
Don’t show me what I have to live for.
Don’t make me want to stay!
Better is only for those that are loved,
And that is not me.
So this is me saying goodbye
And thank you for trying.
Please do not cry,
It won’t make me come back.
I hate this life.
This is me saying I love you
Before my world goes black.

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