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April 14, 2017

You say, if I wasn't here for you, you would want to be dead

I say the same, I need you like a needle needs thread

I don't know how to help, I'm going through the same

I can say, with confidence, that you make my hall of fame

Wishing to do something and taking action are two different things

Me: I wish to help and we all have strings

Strings that will break at one point in life

And this, what you're going through, is strife

I have faith in you and me

I'll be here, no matter my amount of debris






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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 17 at 9:33 pm
I like the feeling of hopefulness conveyed by this poem, despite the difficulties the speaker and the "you" are going through. "I need you like a needle needs thread" is a good comparison, and the repetition of "need" within "needle" is clever. Consider adding a "but" at the beginning of the fourth line; it would make the transition between the third and fourth lines smoother by offering a contrast; as it is it seems to leap jarringly from one idea to the next. I also feel that you could remove ... (more »)
 
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