The thing i hate about depression is, it can hit anytime. It can hit you when you’re sitting in class or when you’re sitting at home eating or when you’re laying in your bed at night about to go to sleep. You start to feel numb and dull. You can only think about all of the awful things that has happened or how you’ve messed up. Being in a depression isn’t good because you start thinking bad about yourself and you start hating yourself and that’s not what you need. You do everything for others, you make people laugh and smile. But they don’t know how empty you are. They don’t know that there is very seldom a day when you are not depressed some time during the day. If you try to tell someone you’re upset they try to make you feel better but it never helps. Talking to people only helps for a little bit. Once they leave, you can cry. But if you start crying, you’re only feeding the depression. So instead you just bottle it up. The somber emotion that radiates off you often makes the people around you leave. Then the depression starts again. Its an endless cycle of depression and crying and you can’t fix it. You can only distract yourself for so long...Once you have your depression then you have all of the things that go along with it. You have your trust issues, your abandonment issues, your self confidence issues. But none of these should affect you. No matter what people call you, no matter what rumors are going around about you, no matter how everybody sees you. You know who you are. You see who you want to see. You look in the mirror and see this small little girl who is scared by every little thing. And nothing can ever change that.
April 6, 2017