Hither, Hither Am I.

March 31, 2017
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Hither and thither.
From pillar to post.
My breath pools right before me.
My sights ends where my logic begins.
I'm no more me than i was a minute ago.
Nor was i a day ago.

Ups made me forget the downs that drop my stomach.
Cold reminded me of the cover of warmth.
Threads break and it feels like freedom. 
Never throwing a second glance to the end that's tethered.
The strands split and riven like the death of my friend.
Goodbyes unsaid.
Conversations incomplete.
Her sms thread never goes on.
My phone never beeps from her message.

Life never stops and pauses.
It goes on with or without you.
Its just me who complains, the rest moves on.
I can too but i choose not.
I dwell on the past.
I feel my mistakes and i live them again.
Maybe it will make my guilt unreasonable.
Maybe it will set me free.
But no
The ends remain riven and tethered.
Gotta tie a knot and skip forward.

Where is forward?
Life moved on with me hanging on a railing.
Far up, away from the lights.
Tears trickle my cheek.
The view is unfocused and i don't want to slip and fall
I have no idea what the Down hold.
Up has predictability.
Down is uncalled for.
The pain in my arms make my eyes foggy.
I feel dizzy and i think my mind goes numb.
All sense leaves my brain because that's when i let go.

I let go of the railing.
I let go of the pain
I let go of what holds me up and take a leap into the unknown.
I close my eyes as i fall.
Maybe Down is better.
Maybe dark hold lights under.
Maybe i have another chance.

But i never reach ground.
It has been years since my flight but I'm still falling.
Like this is a bottomless pit.
A never-ending darkness.
I am a part of it.
Hither am I.
Because life has Let me Down.

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