When Always Becomes Sometimes

February 11, 2017
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Thank You

You asked me for an explanation
You asked me to show you everything
You asked what was wrong
You asked how you could help
I hope this will allow you understand better

Sometimes is weird but
When things happen sometimes
They always end at some point
But I have my own definition for sometimes
Sometimes happens when things get bad
Sometimes happens when I'm trapped
Sometimes once happened because I forgot a notebook
Sometimes once happened because I was being taken away
Sometimes can happen if I'm being pushed to my breaking point
Sometimes can happen if I'm pushed too far by just one thing

In the hospital, a girl called sometimes, the trembles
I didn't think it fit
Another girl called them attacks
It just wasn't the right word
A boy called them his always
It was perfect

On the outside they seem like sometimes
But inside it was always
Because there is always a clock inside you ticking down the seconds before its back
Because they're always going to be there, shadowing you
Because they're always gonna overwhelm you, trap your body in between its own instinctual fight or flight response

Always makes you cry uncontrollably
Always ties knots made from steel in your stomach
Always makes you want to get close to the ground just so you know you're still real
Always makes your lungs transfigure into deflated balloons
Always makes your arms tingle from the lack of oxygen

People who have always are like werewolves
Seemingly normal and okay during the day
But when the moon comes out so does the trembles, the inability to breath, the tears
With scars from the moon, you cannot see during the day

When it comes, sometimes you're alone, sometimes you're with people
When you're alone, you desperately wish for the end, for it all to stop
When you're surrounded by people you desperately wish to be alone, to suffer in silence
When it comes it’s never easy
When it comes, I always struggle

When you are there, it's still awful
But you return the air to my lungs
You make the tears dry just a little faster
You tell me it is going to be okay
You know I can't control it
And with you, I’m not alone
And i don't wish to be
So thank you- for being there when always becomes sometimes

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