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Divorce

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I wish you would've noticed,
Noticed the undeniable pain I went through,
But I hid it,
I hid it from the undeniable truth that I had to come upon…,
It happened four years ago,
I was oblivious to the upcoming denial and endless loop of confusion,
I woke to my mother,
A mother that I have never seen or heard of before,
A mother with the look of disbelief that I would understand,
Understand that this could be the very words that affect the way the rest of my life ends,
She looked at me,
Lucas she said,
Lucas I’m sorry, I’m sorry for what you’re about to have to hear,
I'm sorry for what you’ll have to overcome...,
Lucas she said one more time,
Yes, I Replied with the site of confusion and panic,
It not you it's not me and your father and don’t ever blame yourself for this she said,
I’m sorry, me and your father are getting a divorce,
At that moment,
That very moment of silence,
I felt something,
And what I felt was my instinct,
My sudden instinct,
My sudden jolt of thought process going through my mind,
To run…,
Run far,
Run fast leaving everything behind with no consequences to find my safe place,
The place where I felt and I knew no one was watching,
And from there I did the only thing I could…,
I sat,
And I cried in hopes it would for some forsaken reason it would help,
But In a way I felt it did,
For all this time I spent crying trying to let it all out,
I was thinking,
Thinking of how much my life will change,
Thinking of what I wish I could go back and change,
Thinking what others will soon to become and think of me…,
But most of all,
I was releasing,
Releasing that all that just went on had happened with no going back,
And that from there on I will have to live with change,
The type of change that could only recover from the deepest darkest abyss…

Six months pass…
Six months of wishing, hoping, praying all that is bad will fade away,
But only knowing hope as casting a fishing line,
It doesn't matter how hard you cast your line or how far out it goes,
It matters that it’s where you want it to be,
Because if it’s not,
Disbelieve of catching anything goes up,
Because you know where it should be,
But you kept believing you couldn't make it there,
You kept telling yourself it doesn't get any better than this,
But let's say you did it,
You hit the bull's-eye right where you wanted it to land,
And in many ways that bull’s-eye was a click in my parents head,
A well thought over process of getting together again for the benefit of others,
But to also start over and make change,
Four and a half years later here I am,
Living in a life with loving parents a new home and others to stand by my side,
Never give in,
But never forget,
You’re not the only one who has to go through this,
But even if you are just remember,
Others are there to support you through this...




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