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on again off

 I am 10
10  years old, that's when it restarted up again. Many years dry suddenly collapsed into a million pieces. The sound of  shouting all the times that yelling  and arguing  about the same things  crashed and collided into each other like waves during a storm. Doors slamming, feet pounding, tears falling didn't hide the life that was true. The reality of everything that happens seemed like something unnoticed. Restlessly tossing and turning night after night just trying to hide from the noise of a family deteriorating in two.


I am 11 then  12
Now the  bashing of waves and crashing of tears fade.  Collapsing became replacing and replacing became rebuilding, shouting became mute, slamming, pounding, falling became silent. Restlessness  turned  to sleeping. Life goes simple.  A family that was torn and worn to oblivion can only repair itself to a point until it shatters and deteriorates over. Restless nights are far behind us but only to a point before breaking, silentness is only temporary.


I am 13 14 then  15
alcohol induced dreams and long stretches of rebuilding off again on  again. Waves would crash then waves would settle. Slamming would stop
then slamming would start. A rainstorm raging onto the roof of a household barely hanging onto itself.
on again off again 

 


I am 16, 17, then 18
Things mellow,
life settles.
Rebuilding continues


a million pieces
turn to  tiny shards
that  get swept up.


What was once one is split in two.
Waves turn to silk.  Its calming sound of smoothness. Off for a life of semi peace. No matter what. Not simple but not to hard. Broken to a point that can be fixed. 


 




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