untiled

March 8, 2009
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She looks up into the mirror,
And she sees the tears rolling down her cheeks
Like raindrops sliding down a car window in the middle of a storm.
She fell to her knees.
She had no strength left.
She fought the battle as long, strong, and well as she could.
She'd taken everything she could for as long as she could.
No longer did she see the light at the end of the tunnel.
She'd lost all hope, and all faith.
She put her hand on the icy tile floor as she remained there on her knees.
She said aloud as well as she could,
'Lord, take my life, or I will!!'
After everything she'd heard, and everything she'd been through, she couldn't find the strength to go on. To keep taking the punches, and forcing herself to get up when she ended up down.
She no longer had to capability of hearing rumors, or anything else someone had to say, and just letting it roll off her shoulders.
She'd made her decision.
Taking her life was the only option.
The only decision she had to make was how to do it.
She knew she could easily find a bunch of pills and just overdose.
Or she could find a gun.
Or she could cut herself.
All were a perfect way out.
As she sat there starring at the floor, she heard voices in her head screaming,
'You're nothing but worthlessness!! You're everything everyone says you are!! Do you really think you have any worth what so ever?!'
She heard the rumors, and the lies,
That had caused the many cries.
She couldn't do it anymore.
She couldn't take it anymore.
The ability to act like everything was ok when it wasn't had faded with every tear that fell.
It wasn't ok.
She wasn't ok.
She was torn apart.
She'd let everyone else's opinions and lies get in her head.
Not only did everyone else believe she was nothing but bad news, but she'd also come to believe it too.
Her self esteem was barely there if it was even there at all.
There was nothing more to say,
And nothing more to do.
Somewhere deep down, she found the strength to at least get up and grab a pencil and a notebook.
She wrote,
'I'm sorry, but there's no way I can take this for one more moment. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm stressed, overwhelmed, and alone. No one cares. Don't say you do, because you don't. At this moment, I honestly can't think of one person who made the effort to help me, rather than hurt me. So I wish you the best, this is my goodbye...'
She couldn't even think of anything more to say to her own family, the people who known, loved, and cared for her for years.
Then she though to herself in question,
'Were they walking out? Or was I pushing them away? It was probably me pushing them away...something else that's my fault!!'
At that moment, she attempted looking at herself in the mirror. When she did, she couldn't even look at herself for more than a few seconds. She disgusted herself. She couldn't even stand herself, how could anyone else?! She thought,
' The world will be a happier, better place without me. They wouldn't have anyone to be upset with...Everyone would just be happier.'
Her existence now seemed of absolutely no importance. She saw her life as nothing. She was just another face in the crowd. 8 million people in the world. There was about to be one less.
She was home alone. What would they do when they found her?...What could they do?...She couldn't find a gun...she didn't think she could depend on the pills to do it...she grabbed the biggest knife she could possibly find. She found the vein she wanted to cut. She was ready. Knife in hand, prepared, and she finally had the guts to do it.
'This is it,' she said, 'it'll finally all be over!!...'
Then her cell phone rang...She didn't know weather to just do it, and get it over with, or just answer the phone. 'Whatever, I'll just answer it.' She mumbled.
'Hello?' 'Hey!' of course, the person to call was the one and only one she'd do anything for. The only person who made her happy, and who made her feel worth something. While they were talking, she acted like everything was fine, just like always. But he could see right through it.
'Is everything ok?' 'Yeah...I'm fine, I just don't feel good that's all.' 'Are you sure?' 'Yes I'm sure. I'm positive ok?! I just have a lot on my mind.' 'oh, ok. Well just know I love you and you mean the world to me.' 'I love you too.' Then they hung up. She wasn't sure if she should or if she even could do it after hearing that.



'That boy...' she thought, 'he always saves me. He always catches me before I fall.' She put the knife back where she found it. She got on her knees once again, but for a different reason. She began to pray, 'Lord, thank you for blessing me with the angel you sent me. I'm so thankful for him. I love him, and I could very well be dead without him right now. I'm really thankful for him. I'd give up my life for him. Thank you for giving me a reason to live.'
This girl still lives today. She hasn't cut herself in a while, and doesn't plan on doing it ever again. That boy is still her reason for living. To her, he's still an angel God sent to save her. And he's the love of her life. So even when/if you think no one cares, I promise you someone does.





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