March 5, 2009
By Anonymous


Awakening is less meaningful for every night I'm tortured by my meaningless life. Then I have to get up and look into the mirror at a reflection of this monster. I don't want to live with knowing that I consciously destroy every opportunity I have at happiness. But then again I'm too cowardly to end my life'maybe this could be my fate, a life of meaningless pain hitting me over and over. Each day I stumble through my thoughts searching for the answer that never comes, maybe the answer doesn't want to come. I have no water, no food, just one more cigarette to bring me closer to the end. Lying on the ground, I take my death in my hand and I let it fill my lungs as I watch the hungry wait for food.

I watch the graceful beasts circling my head, waiting for their feast as I await my conclusion, I think back to all the wrong I've done, all the wasted moves, all the mistakes I would die to correct. It's like I have no life it's as if I'm an empty vessel not worthy of life It's like I'm nothing. If only I could go back, if only I could be something worthy of being missed'.then when death strikes his blow, I could pass with peace. I want to pray, I want to be saved, Jesus my savior please do something I'm at the end, I have nothing, you took it all, just please give me something in return. All I want is to know why I am blind why don't I know'.All I want is a second chance. I can feel it sinking in, dehydration complimenting the dehydration drying out my soul, ha I would laugh but I honestly don't think I could.

It keeps replaying in my head, all the times I ignored them, all the times I ignored the pain, all the times I took life for granted. Life is a game and I cheated, all I had to do was play the game but to me that wasn't good enough and I don't know why. The light glares my vision but I'm too weak to raise my arm. The vultures are getting closer as I die more and more, my times almost up you'll have your meal soon enough demons. I know I lost I just want to know why, I want to see it just to have some fulfillment in my final hours. Another puff and another vision follows, ah I remember love: I remember watching movies with my family, I remember video games with my brother, I remember I loved them all, and so I ask myself where did the love go?

Father; hear me please mend my broken soul. I need you now, I need to know
the cure for my broken heart. Savior I'm slipping further into the dark. Jesus save me please embrace me with your love. God show me the mistakes I've made so far. My eyes wide shut a euphoria blows in and my movie rewinds'I see her face, I see me ignoring her, I see the evil I did behind the backs of my loved ones, and I finally see my ignorance, I see this now. I could've been better, I'm sorry I failed you, if only I realized my failure, then I could've prevented this from happening. I know where the love went ''.I ripped it away from you all and I'm sorry guys.
Death is swift and the light becomes black once more.

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