October 5, 2008
By , old hickory, TN
Hate is to grow up without a dad, hate is the family i never had.
hate is my fear that my deadline is near.]
hate for the pain, for my feelings always the same.
hate for the screams, hate for the yells, hate for no rest, for trying and failing to be my best.
hate for your smiles hid behind lies, hate for burning acid tears trapt behind my eyes.
hate for forced hugs, for wordless goodnights, for trying to fix us ,but ending in fights.
hating individuality, being denied by a technacality.
hating style because i cant show mine, trying to finish but i run out of time.
opening up , only to get shut out, having no voice then trying to shout.
hating to branch out because it doesnt benifit you, for making a wish and the opposite comes true.
to having to try so hard , to my perminant emotional scars. to attempting to pray , then throwing religion away.
hating you, hating me , to the girl in my dreams ill never get to be.
to the hungary blade that misses my wrist, and the scars that didnt wnt to say goodbye.
to suicide threats, to all lifes regrets, to no time to question why.
to all those who lost their wings, i would gladly give you mine, because it seems trying to fly is a waste of time. hating myself, hating you , for all your promises that were never true.
for who we were, and who we could be, more than a faked picture of a happy family .
to finding peace in a world of decay ,to meaning it when you tell me everythings okay.
to finding a mirror that reflects self worth.
to ending the pain, to finding the light, to letting go of hate and making it through the night.
to healing wounds, and erasing these scars, to filing away at these bars.
to save us, but we both know its to late.
to finding a reality , to becoming the dream, to finding happiness through the pain and the screams.
but the one thing of all , the one thing that's true, even after how bad you hurt me, i never really hated you.

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