Sweet Breeze

Custom User Avatar
More by this author
Sweet breeze,
Stirring the trees,
With so much ease,
Never-ending,
Always moving,
Bear us some coolness
While, none-the-less,
We will wait
For you to create
A sweeter coolness
For us
As we hike
In the likes
Of nature.





Join the Discussion

This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Wolfayne said...
Aug. 14, 2009 at 3:45 pm
This isn't one of my best ones, I know. I bored when I wrote this, and I was 9 years old, so I didn't know half as much as I do now about poetry and short stories. I totally agree with you.
 
Joanna said...
Aug. 13, 2009 at 11:46 pm
I like the quick rhymes you used in this, but I wish there was more of a pattern with them. What I mean is, "Never-ending, Always moving" look kind of out of place, as does, "A sweeter coolness For us". Also, "None-the-less" is a wee bit awkward. I really like this, but it could be so much more refined with a little tweaking.
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback