Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

My life

I had it all and I lost it.
They call themselves tragic heroes?
Well they haven't met me!
I tried my hardest and I still fell short.
I don't know why I keep trying because I keep
failing.

She was my life, my everything. I loved her and she
loved me.
Then it all fell apart. I lost everything and ill
never have it back.
I try and try and every time I move farther away.
People tell me its better to have love and lost and
I tell them their wrong...so wrong.
Others tell me she will come back and I hope to god they are right. I know they're not.
But I can still hope.
Everywhere I look I see her. And every time I stop
and stare I start to cry.
And every free moment I have I remember her.
She is always on my mind and I can't help it.

I am totally numb now and I can't seem to shake it. I see her with her friends having fun and it puts a
bigger crack in my heart.
I am so glad she is happy. But her happiness is
killing me.
I want to lay down and die. Crash my car into the
bridge, ram the knife into my chest.
And yet she still saves me.
The thought I might get her back keeps me going. The thought of seeing her again drives me to move
forward.

I'm in a downward spiral.
And yet she comes flooding black like a tidal wave. I try my hardest to shake her and she keeps right
on my tail.
I want so bad to forget her but I hold her close.
I think I love her more now then ever have.
I don't want to be alive. I don't want to be here. I want to go back to a time I was happy. If there
is such a time.
I want to be loved again but I never will be.

What is it about me that pushes women away.
I try to make them happy. Maybe I try to hard,
maybe I shouldn't care so much.
But I can't help it. I was raised to make the woman
happy.
And I agree with that. Woman are all princesses and
deserved to be treated as such.
Times are changing and women aren't spouse to be
babied anymore.
Some like it some don't...and I baby my women
because they are so important to me.
I lost one because of it. And ill lose many more
for that same reason.
Some call me obsessive, others call me a stalker. I
call myself loving.
And if you don't see it that way join the club. I
am use to being hurt.
But still every time it hurts more and more. I
don't know how much more my heart can take.
It's reached it breaking point.

I'm going slowly insane.
Slowly I'm losing control.
I haven't had a peaceful sleep for a long time.

I've saw it coming and no one believed me.
And now I see that I'm losing myself, and no one
will believe me.
No one knows how much I love her. And no one ever
will.
I can't function without her. I'm like a blind man
in a maze.
I'm lost in my own heart.
I don't know where I'm going and I can't find my
way out.
Life seems to be out to get me and every time it
tries to end me it fails.
And I'm starting to wish it wouldn't.
My will to go on is slowly dwindling away.
There isn't much left.

I'm so close to ending it. And I don't know why.
My life isn't horrible it's not the worst.
There are so many people out there with worse lives
then I.
But still there are people out there, that are
living lives so much better then me. And its
not fair.
I want to be something special I want to be someone
important to someone...to anyone.
But no I'm nothing special no one would give up a
dime for me.
So why am I here what is my purpose.
I thought it was to make my loved one happy...and I
was so very wrong.
So now once again I am purposeless.

People say for every bad thing that happens god
will reward you with some just as good.
Well for all the bad things that have happened to
me I deserve a lot...I don't want anything


incredibly special.
I want to make a good life for my lover and I if I
ever find one.
That's all I don't want to be filthy rich or the
president of anything.
I just want a good life.

I love to easy and hurt to much.
I love her and her and her and her....but do they
love me?
I don't know how to trust....I don't think I can. The pain has been numbed out...I don't think I can
feel anymore.
My heart? Hard as rock and cold as ice.


I was fine for a time. She went away. But suddenly
it all came flooding back, the memories, the
pain, the agony.
I don't even know why I try anymore I see no point
but yet I keep on trying.
I found someone, but I see too much of 'her' in the
girl so I turn her away.
I loved her too much and I still do.
And in till I relinquish that love I will be alone
and I try and try but my heart won't let her
go.

I learned to love her now I have to learn to let
her go.
I have always been a smart kid a quick learner with
the right teacher, but no one can teach me
this.
I have to learn this one on my own, people have
tried to teach me how to forget but no one can.
I wish they could, I'm willing to learn, but no
matter how many times I hear the same advice it
goes in one ear and out the other.
I am so annoyed but the longing memory of her.
I want the ghost that haunts my every waking moment
to leave me alone!
There is no exorcism for the heart.





Join the Discussion

This article has 1 comment. Post your own now!

Taran said...
Feb. 24, 2009 at 10:05 pm
i love you for this val :] (as a friend) and you should use the last line as the title

-lauren
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback