lies are a prison
that you create for yourself
that start with a vision
of what could be.

lies are a game
of cruel proportions
where pain
is the prize for defeat
and guilt, shame, and paronia
is the prize if you play right.

the problem is, when you play the game right -
it never ends...

I look around
at the life

I created for myself

Friends.
Teachers.
The Commons at Lunch.

I look over at b***n
and i see him staring back
he looks quickly away
but i know he'll look back

the problem with this is
that i can't have him
no matter how much we BOTH wish
for it to happen.

because i have a boyfriend.
my friends ask me what i'm thinking about

**"the fact that i am a liar, and my bf isn't real!!!" i scream**

oh please

i think fast, and come up with an elaborate story.
a phone call,
a joke,
a kiss.
none of which are real.

as i tell my story, the boy walks past.
he is acting as much as i am.

I can see it
in the tears
that he tries and tries to hold back.

The bell rings, and lunch is over.
and so is my story of clandestine wonder

with a boy who doesn't exist.