angel tears and memories

February 5, 2009
the sky was grey and dark and cold the night my daddy died
it was 3 o'clock in the morning and my mom was screaming for help
i ran in and saw my dad lying on the floor wedged between the dresser and the bed
my daddy's bare back was white and he wasn't moving
it scared me cause my daddy wasn't breathing
the telephone in my hand was blurred and I tried to make out the numbers
to dial 9...1...1...
but I was frozen and screaming and couldn't see
so my mommy called for me instead, and told me
to run across the street to get the neighbors' help
i remember my little brother
who was only nine
the look of terror on his face
when i woke him up and said that daddy wasn't breathing
the flashing flashing flashing red lights on the red red fire truck
and our house wasn't even burning
daddy was dead by the time they got to him
but still they tried to revive him
and i watched, screaming in my mind
praying for my daddy
god please save my daddy god please don't let him die
time was so fast and it all went so quickly
they wheeled my daddy out on a rolling bed
and left the blanket they first used to cover him when he was pronounced deceased
and me and my family cried all through the rest of the night
crowded together in my brother's tiny bed
hanging onto eachother so no one else would leave the others
that was now four whole years ago
and they sky is grey and dark and cold
just like it was when my daddy left
the tears flow down
from the sky
onto the ground
like the angels are crying
and daddy, i miss you
you have no idea what i'd do just to get you back
to see you again to kiss your bristly cheek and tell you how much
i love you
and i miss you
we all do
and im sorry
they told me that you were watching me
where are you now, daddy? is it soft and white and sparkly like on tv?
i hope you aren't disappointed
i'm so sorry
so so sorry
that i didn't try to show you how much i loved you
and make life worthwhile for you
to give you the reason to go to the doctors
when you knew you had trouble breathing
you knew, daddy, you knew
if it had been anyone else you would have sent them to the hospital
some nights i can almost hear the coughing
and i wake up and i cry and cry
because i miss you
and i wish we could have helped you
i wouldn't want to sit up there
and watch my family cry
all alone without me
and weep along with the angels
nomatter how beautiful they are

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