Laying In My Room

Im laying here
Alone.
My mind starts to race.
All the decisions i made up until this point..are they the right ones?
My life.
Am i fufilling it?
I don't like the answers im getting.
I become afraid.
Tears start to fall.
What if i never reach my full potential?
What if i end up like them?
The tears hit the pillow..
My eyes stare out the window..
I cant stop thinking..
Im terrified of failure
& Yet success scares me too.
I don't see a vision
Is that because i don't have one?
R bcuz God hasn't placed one there yet?
What am i here for?
It's scary wen u don't know what your here for..
Life isn't a game..
Well why the hell do i keep playing around..
Knowing i can do better
Maybe im afraid of change..
Is that it?
Afraid to work harder for a better me..
A better life.
A fufilled life.
God, please don't let me end up like them
I was supposed to be the way out
The curse breaker
& here i am, making the same foolish mistakes.
They're counting on me.
& it kills me..to know im letting them down..
I''ve made a puddle now w/ these tears
They wont stop falling
My mind won't stop racing.
My fingers won't stop attacking the keyboard.
Im praying
For courage
To believe in myself, when nobody else does
To love myself, wen nobody else seems to
To do better, simply bcuz thts wut i deserve
Yes im praying.
That wen its time to leave this earth
I die knowing why i was here in the first place
Die. w/ a fufilled life
Die. Living my dream.
Die. Successful.
Die. Happy.
Die. W/ a purpose.
Die. Alive within.
But Lord please.
Don't let me die the same ol' me.