To Breath.

January 25, 2009
I stumble into the bathroom
Drop my books,
Kick the door.
I slam the bath water on, breathing hard.
Everything is crumbling. . .
Frantic gasping. . .

Panic is building, bubbling.
I try to fight it back, calm, calm, calm!!
I can't breath. I can't breath.
Books and papers strewn about me.

They are staring at me
Mocking me.
They shriek.
no. no. no. no.
My chest burns.
I'm okay, Its okay, I beg.

But they won't let me go.
The panic is drowning me.
I cover my ears. Breath.
But it won't go away.
I can't. no. I can't. I can't.

The panic has me now. . .
Hot tears on my cheeks.
The room spins, blurs.
I gasp out a silent Scream
And scream and scream.
Until my heart clenches,
And I choke on a soft sob.

I am a failure. Nothing but a failure.


When small blade comes to skin,
dragging across, a gental caress.
It doesn't hurt.
Then, all of a sudden, they are quiet.

And I am alone again,
With just the dull burning
in my chest and arm.
I feel. . .very small.


I am breathing easier now.

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