I hate my feelings,
I loath them.
They tell me what I need to know,
But I don’t want to know.
Like the place I’m heading in my life,
I’ve been here before,
In this hollow, suffocating abyss.
I told myself I wouldn’t go back.
But I know where I’m heading
Just like I know I can’t stop it.
Is there someone out there?
Someone I can talk to without judgment,
Who will tell me it’s going to be ok.
Wait, there was…
Once
He’s gone now
He slipped from my grasp
Then again I expected no less.
When I get something amazing it ends the same,
I mess something up
Then watch as it goes,
Like a witness of a car accident.
It always leaves me cold and alone.
With no hope left,
Wishing for an end,
An easy escape,
But I’m tired of crying wolf.
Everyone knows I’ll never pull the trigger.
So I will sit here and wait,
For my life to slowly pass me by,
One fake smile after another.
One fake friend after another,
One fake hope after another.
I’ll pray for you,
While waiting for my escape.