Finale Seranade

January 21, 2009
By Catcat BRONZE, New Paltz, New York
Catcat BRONZE, New Paltz, New York
3 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour."


I'm skating on your efforts
I'm dancing on your dreams
I'm cutting off the seams
That roughly come between

Your fugue allures my prelude
Your languor powers my blade
Your life is simply a seranade
Pleading my most volitional aide

"Tales of skeletal chandeliers
Always fall on deaf ears"
He listlessly warned you
From His fairytale pier

So when you see me- don't cry
Unless it is my arrogant disposition
You wish to malign
In that case- skate on, fly!


The author's comments:
I was imagining what Death would like to say to us... And came up with this. ( :

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This article has 3 comments.


D.... BRONZE said...
on Aug. 24 2010 at 12:05 pm
D.... BRONZE, Ridgefield, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
Great concept; excellent vocab; just generally superb. If I had to nitpick at something, I would say the rythym is a little uneven, but you can hardly notice it through the beautiful language.

amyxu said...
on Jun. 24 2009 at 8:42 pm
Hey, I was browsing Teen Ink and came across your poem. I like all the vivid language and the meter flows very well (which is sadly growing less and less common these days). The first two stanzas were very mysterious--in fact, so mysterious that I had no idea what they were about. The pronouns are what got me the most. In the first stanza, it's all "I"--first person. In the second stanza it's "you"--second person. Then in the third stanza, it's all of a sudden "he"...by the fourth stanza I kind of lost track.

However, with a few changes in the wording, these problems would be fixed in no time. Overall I think your poem has a lot of potential!!!

Jos said...
on Mar. 23 2009 at 12:57 pm
I really love this!


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