Sick Satisfaction

January 12, 2009
By Anonymous

It was an ordinary day
Filled with laughter and fun
But little did i know
What pain had begun

I fought with myself inside
And with someone else out
I thought, "It'll pass. It's nothing to worry about."

I was fightiing with a friend
And a good one, at that
I was fighting with myself
And i couldn't look back

I sat on my bed
Hurt and alone
I looked at the scissors
And i looked at the phone

I chose path one...
I picked up the phone
And dialed the first number i could think
But she wouldn't answer
And i was on brink

I reassessed path two...
I scooped up the scissors
And held them to my arms
And I didn't know why
I wasn't alarmed

This wasn't like me
Wasn't like me at all
Did anyone see it coming?
My strange downfall?

The cold, hard steel
Against my bare skin
Made me numb
Not able to feel

I didn't think about it
Not for a minute
Nor a second
I just moved the sharp, silver blade to right
Slowly correcting all of the wrongs in my life...
Or so i thought

I awoke the next morning
And as i lay there in bed
I thought to myself,
"Was it all in my head?
Was it all just a dream?
Or a nightmare come true?"
I held up my arm
And my satisfaction grew

I couldn't fathom the idea
That I'd done what I shouldn't
Yet to think about stopping,
I knew that i couldn't

It just felt so good
Better than you'd think it would
Weith every mark on my skin
I felt a slice of my emotional pain disappear

And as I touched the deep, red scratches,
Just ever so lightly,
I winced at the enjoyed pain and smiled...
A sick, sweet satisfaction

And after that day
It all went downhill
I was in a downward spiral...
A depression, if you will

At school I was one way
At home, alone, another
I felt this was the only way
And that there was no other

The one thing I was happy for
In this unhappy time
Was the friends who saw through me
When I said i was fine

But now I'm back to normal
And, boy, am I glad
I wonder what overtook me
What made me so sad?

But that was then
And this is now
That was another girl
I just don't know how

Now all that's left is scars to remind her
The story of a lost girl
When no one could find her...

The author's comments:
I wrote this during a time that was very difficult for me. I know now that self-injury does nothing to solve a problem, but only makes one worse. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way, but I would like all teens to know that self-harm is not the way.

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