What it Takes

January 9, 2009
By Adaelia BRONZE, Fresno, California
Adaelia BRONZE, Fresno, California
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I sing toward the skies
Hoping someone would hear
I gaze at the stars
Wishing someone would see

I work to the top
Dreaming someone would talk
I cook to my extent
Yearning someone would taste

I draw above the heavens
Granting someone to touch
I embrace someone with all my might Wanting someone to love.

Me for me.

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This article has 3 comments.

ktbug96 SILVER said...
on May. 13 2010 at 4:51 pm
ktbug96 SILVER, Jericho, New York
5 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
~Make a wish, it's up to you, find the strength inside, and watch your dreams come true, you don't need a shooting star, the magic's right there in your heart, close your eyes, believe, and make a wish~ (yes it's from a song :D)

i like this poem a lot! i agree with Joy26 that there could have been some better word choices but actually, i dont think it would matter that much. haha i think the title "me for me" would've been better x]

Airiane said...
on Jan. 22 2009 at 2:20 am
If Joy26 ever comes back to read this poem again... Thanks for your review! I'm glad you like it and I definitely appreciate the criticism; else how are we suppose to expand our horizons and learn from our mistakes? Yeah, I look back at it and it does seem strange to use those words. I wanted something like variety, yet I wanted to keep in context. No, I didn't use a thesaurus :), but I appreciate the thought to make sure you got all angles cover, both good and bad. I don't think I need to disregard it, I did give this some thought and I'm just really glad you thought it was good enough to post a review.

Joy26 said...
on Jan. 21 2009 at 2:30 am
I really like this poem!! It has a lot of parallel structure that makes it cool, but within that parallelism I have a couple suggestions for you that deal with grammar --- with the words "Yearning" and "Granting", not only does it sound like you used a thesaurus for synonyms for "Wishing" and "Dreaming" (sorry, not trying to give offense!) but those words need prepositions after them... in real speech, you wouldn't say, "I'm yearning someone would taste." Sorry, but it just doesn't work. So to refine this awesome poetry, try sticking in a preposition. For example, "Yearning for someone to taste". However, I realize that putting a "for" in would disrupt the parallel structure you have going on with the verb-someone-would-verb pattern. So maybe you should totally disregard this complicated comment and claim poetic license :) Sorry if it sounds like I'm nit-picky, but I really do appreciate this poem and the work you put into it. Nice job!


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