One Loss, One Gain

Life’s trademark of twists and turns
Has lost me a friend
But gained me another
Formerly thought to be my enemy.

I reflect upon
Both loss and again
One used me
Lied
Deceived
I followed like a child
I told no one my thoughts
Nor my struggles
But instead kept it all to myself
My guilt
My shame
My enemy sneering at my choice

Too hurt
Going way too far
Asking of me too much
A part of myself had gone away
I could not take it back
Had been robbed of something so precious and priceless
Cried bitterly over its loss
Its empty spot in my heart
A hole to never again be filled

I told my friend the best
I avoided being hurt
For the sake of both kindly terminated our friendship
At first he clung on
And would not let go
Only prolonging more agony
Gently, I asked for myself back
In as tender words I could muster
Again, he pleaded
I remained firm.
But when alone wilted at the mere thought

Out of the blue, a monster lunged at me
True identity revealed
Changed now into a crusher
Of all hopes and dreams
The beast cannot be concealed
Like the lamb I once thought him to be
He shoved me away
Rejected me cruelly
Yet I still could not bring myself to no longer care
Only wanted myself back
And a relationship not as close

I kindly asked if it was a devastation
For we had been very close
Harshly, his words rebuked me
There was no loss
There only was much gain
Freed from me at last
I still grieved, asked for civil conversations
He refused
Instead putting me since constantly on the verge of tears
The cause of much more sorrow and pain
The woeful tale only one of among many others to not be told

Over my loss I allowed myself to grieve
My enemy now asked me why I had lost my cheerful attitude
As he had easily observed
Changed my sweet readiness
Why my eyes were filled with tears
When usually I had a smile on my face
Why I was angry, more so than I had ever been
To this stranger I poured my cup of emotion to
So now I had it off my chest
And had the knowledge that someone else now knew my pain
Of him I exclaimed my disbelief of handing him my heart
For I do not easily give away my feelings and emotions
Prefer to keep them to myself
For fear of more betrayal
He told me he understood and would bear the secret

I found out how my former friend had used me
Lied to me
Exalted himself with my constant presence
To my enemy who saw my anger flare once more
I told my feelings to
The advice he gave helped heal my heart

What I had gained was worth much more than what I had lost
My former enemy now a mere friend
Perhaps one day to be discovered a betrayer as well
Until then, what I have gained outweighs my heavy loss





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julian This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 17, 2009 at 5:30 pm
This is a very long poem yet it is really beautiful and contains a lot of emotion. Great poem, keep writing! If you can, take a look at my poems as well.
 
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