Why Now?

December 28, 2008
By Alexandra Turgeon, Andover, CT

Why now?
Why not someone else, somewhere else?
Spinning, stumbling, falling
Where to go?
What to do?
His face behind my eyelids
I close my eyes, he’s there
That’s the only place he’ll be
I remember…
The laughter, happiness
They’re all I have left
They tie me to the earth
A lead balloon
He is there, out of reach
But there
Why him?
He was perfect
Your angel on Earth
I remember…
“Go slow, babe”
Last words he ever told me
He died too soon
In months, those words would have meaning
He never saw me drive
He’ll never see me graduate
Never watch his son give me away
Never see his great grandchildren
He’ll never see anything anymore
I see him there, like he’s asleep
But he’s not, he’s worse
I remember…
Him lying in his chair, so happy
Me beside him, so unaware
Him in his hospital bed, me powerless
“He can hear you”
They lie, those doctors in their white coats
If he could have heard me
He wouldn’t have left
I told him we needed him
Here, not in the sky
But he can’t hear
God took him
“He’s gone”
But I don’t believe them
Then I wake up
And I remember
Spinning, stumbling, falling

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