That Lonely Day in October

December 26, 2008
By Jenn Collins, Albany, NY

I think of all the memories that you burned in my mind for me
I think of all the things I felt for you, and the way we used to be
Why did you have to go and make my world come crashing down
You couldn’t just let me feel this way in silence, you had to make my feelings heard, and heard loud
Was it necessary for you to make me feel like something would come about
And then crush my hopes, let me fall, and leave me filled with nothing but doubt
Do you even understand at all that you’re the one causing this pain
Do you even have the slightest clue that you’re the one to put me to shame
I feel like the things that happened between us were mistakes
Whenever I hear your voice, its like a reminder of your face
That second when your eyes met mine and I felt like all my worries were far behind
The moment when I felt so safe, you made me feel like love was easy to find
I’m not saying I loved you, not even a little
I just felt like what I’ve wanted for so long was in sight, not so far out of reach
And it just so happens you were the one to make me feel like that way
I couldn’t believe something I wanted was finally coming to me
But my hopes fell hard, it was like a bullet hit my heart
And I couldn’t breathe because of the way I once felt
You crushed my feelings, you hindered my heart from feeling any good feeling
Now whenever I see your face, it’s a pathetic reminder of what once was and never will be
It’s a nagging thought as to how stupid I was that you could ever feel that way for me
I’ll always wonder if you ever did feel anything or if you were just pretending
Too bad everything I felt was real, it seems to still be never ending
I just wish that what you made up or what you said you felt
Could keep going and going, never stop until I said so
I wish you never made me smile, I wish you never made me think
That it really was possible, that I really could feel that mutual feeling
I wish I never felt that way for you, I wish you never guessed
I wish I never told you
But it was bound to come out sooner or later, the heartbreak was bound to unfold
I wish you never showed any interest, I regret that you did
I feel so miserable when I think I edged your tricks and lies on
I feel so stupid when I think of how blind I was to look past what was so obvious
I feel so naïve when I look at the past we had, the hours we shared, the talks between us
I felt so hopeful as to what was to be, well that didn’t last long
Because when you had enough, you let me go, like we had no history
I fell hard, for you and fell hard after what you did to me
At the end of the day, its you who screwed me over
I was just a part of your game that I thought I was more of
Then just a sorry part of what went down
A piece you never wish you played
But whenever you see me I’m just a face, not a name
Just a memory of what you let go
And you’re just a person who had way too much impact on me, more than I ever thought possible
Just a sting in the heart and a wound on my soul
And a slap in the face when I think of the s*** you sold
Just a part of my past I can’t seem to lose
Just an important part that doesn’t seem to be returned
You’re just the pain I feel whenever the memories come crawling back
Unwanted or forced, doesn’t matter they still hurt
Your words I can remember as if you said them yesterday
Like a shot to the heart when I think of the meaning behind them
Its just like a nightmare I can’t wake up from
You’re just the heartbreak I’ll never recover from
I’m living in a haze I’ll never fall out of
My heart’s in a daze and it can’t seem to survive and it won’t last much longer
The day that you made me feel so unimaginable
Will forever be a day I remember
And whenever I see you, I’ll never forget the day that you made me feel that way, that painful day in October.

The author's comments:
What I hope for the reader to get out of this is they could feel the same way and not feel so alone. If they could relate to this poem and feel a connection, maybe they'd feel as if they're not the only one in the situation and other people feel the same as well. I also hope maybe it'd inspire them to write their own pieces about things they are going through.

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This article has 2 comments.

erinlem said...
on Jan. 7 2009 at 8:39 pm
You’re just the pain I feel whenever the memories come crawling back

Unwanted or forced, doesn’t matter they still hurt

Your words I can remember as if you said them yesterday

Like a shot to the heart when I think of the meaning behind them

these were great lines. I really enjoyed the poem, you have an interesting style. It was pretty long, you could hae got more to the core of it, but that is my only citicism. I'm Erin L, if you would like to check out some of my poems.

trish3260 said...
on Jan. 7 2009 at 2:22 am
jen i already told you how i felt.

but i want others to know that this is about a serious event in your life. i completely relate so you accomplished what you had to as a writer...congrats!!!

write more! :)


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