December 23, 2008
The rations fail and the mothers choose

between the lives of their only youths.
Their starving children cry out in pain;

futile hope of rescue, their only gain.
Have you felt their tears or heard their cries?

for every six seconds another one dies.

Just last week twenty-six were found lifeless,

with hard “dirt cookies”, all they possess
These brittle “cookies” composed of salt, dirt, and clay

are not enough to keep the monsters at bay.
Be thankful for meat no matter the cost

because here in this moment one child is lost.

Only miles away from our own coast,

yet we do little more than most.
Sticks and stones break brittle bones,

and still we ignore their desperate moans.
As you can see, this crisis is vast

because by this stanza two children have passed.

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persempre said...
Mar. 23, 2009 at 10:27 pm
This is really good piece on this very intense topic. The only thing is some wording and structure. Don't repeat "cookies" so close together it seems a little off, the first two lines should rhyme like all the others for consistency of your structure, and the wording at the end should be something more like "These lines tell of a crisis so vast/ that here at the end two more children have passed." Hope that helps.
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