December 9, 2008
By Madeleine Collet, Eugene, OR

I'm tired off all the tears.

I'm tired off all the sadness.

I'm tired off all the pain.

Mostly, I just want to take a nap.

It happened nearly a year ago.

You know, near death experiences?

Bad luck maybe?

Well I guess with my resume of crappy situations, you could call me a regular Bella Swan or the kid in The Red Pony.

I've noticed though that through all the times I've had to sit in hospital waiting rooms, which I love in a very sick way, that this kind of stuff happens to everyone.

It's not uncommon to see someone you love lie in the ICU. Don't believe me? Go to a hospital and prove me wrong.

I dare you.

But why did this have to happen to me? Is God screwing with me because I don't go to church? Should I convert? The only church I've ever been to was some weird YA thing where they sang christian rock and stood around a greasy guitar player, swaying to the music.

Ya, not really my thing.

Sorry God. Guess you'll have to replace me.

But still, why, of all people did cancer decide to land on my family?

Thanks a lot mother nature.
You really deserve a nursery rhyme.

I see kids at school and I can't help but feel how trite they are.
Most of the time I'm all, "This is crap! The most trite crap! No one cares about you or your mom grounding you because you got a detention. Are you that surprised? Honestly? Humor me."

But in my head of course...

I'm much to much of a wimp to say that out loud.

I wish I were like Hilary Clinton, who stand up for her self like it's going out of style. But at the same time I somewhat hate her, so maybe a compromise might be suitable?

Back to the subject, why can't I be strong like that?

Generally, I just stay quiet.
People don't bother me, and I
don't bother them.

It's worked for the past year.

For me at least.

What will next year be like?

The author's comments:
Well, It's true. My sister has cancer. I mean, I'm not worried about her, she's tough, but I hate what it's doing to my family. No lie, there is a sob fest nearly everynight. I think I've forgotten how to cry. I honestly just can't do it anymore! Today she collapsed because she's so weak, and my mom cried, my dad cried, my sister cried, my dog even howled a bit. And what did I do? I flipped on the TV and watched Intervention.

As I said in my poem, I'm sick and tired of pain and sorrow. Tears too.

I know that I love my sister and I think about her all day everyday, it's just that I'm tired. I'm so tired.

I need a long freaking vacation.

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This article has 2 comments.

on Dec. 21 2008 at 4:12 am
you seem pretty darn strong to me, and dont give up. Dont let it get to you, be strong for your family and your sister. Trust me I have been there.

JDOG said...
on Dec. 20 2008 at 7:37 pm
Wow, this is heavy! But well done!


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