If Purses Could Talk

December 9, 2008
More by this author
Ugh, we all know those girls
Talking loud in the halls,
With their hair always blonde; straight or curls,
Make you want to bang your head on the walls.
Shut up, I really don’t care,
I don’t give a crap,
If Britt changed her hair.
Stop gossiping when I’m going to class,
Because you sluts are such a pain.
Addicted to FaceBook, AIM, and del.icio.us
Your motives are always vile and clearly malicious.
You lie like a lobbyist,
Telling how John and Torrie kissed!
You’re masters of deceit and lies,
We see it clearly in your blonde hair and blue eyes.
Your voice is like an auctioneer’s,
Fast and loud,
You make gossip about all of your peers.
“OMG did you know that Marcy got plowed?”
You know who they are,
Typically 15 and up,
Always talking about the size of their cups………of Starbuck’s coffee…
Don’t worry eventually there’ll be gossip about me too,
Hell, maybe Mike, that kid, or even you!
They go over the limits on their texts,
They’re pretty stupid too, easily perplexed.
The one thing they know is the latest line of shoes,
But they don’t know crap about the world’s news.
“Hey did you hear about the bombings in Mumbai?”
“Nope, I was busy checking out that hot guy”
Why must you lie thousands of times a day?
Does it really matter how much that girl weighs?
Your voice is the screech of the undead,
You’re so stupid too, as a kid did you fall on your head?
Guys are terrified of you; we can’t all be Good Luck Chuck,
With you, we’ll barely try our luck!
Your pretty face covers up the demon inside,
We stay away so we don’t get denied.
If purses could talk, I’d keep my distance,
I’d plug my ears, and pray for resistance!
The lies are lines of life that you like,
The evil in your eyes, like Hitler’s Third Reich.
So all that I ask is that you keep it down,
And when in public please don’t talk about your brand new gown.
Put down that Starbuck’s coffee and please don’t sip,
I don’t give a crap if that gown even rips!
Stop chewing on that Orbit spearmint gum,
It just makes you look like even more scum.
Don’t take it in a harsh way,
I mean you’re an animal some days,
Ruining people’s social lives by telling all to the fray.
I know it’s a lot to take in with your “mental pace”,
But I’d like to take all of your B.S. and cram it in your pretty face.

Join the Discussion

This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

GoGreenGirl said...
Dec. 7, 2011 at 12:02 pm
I love this!  I know exactly what you mean.  This is great :)
DeantheBean said...
Feb. 2, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Excellent work man, I'd love to hear this rapped out as a song!!
ShelbyMarie93 said...
Feb. 2, 2011 at 8:45 am

AWESOME! Way to speak your mind! I especially love the line that says "Your voice is the screech of the undead"

Keep it up, you have great talent!

SuzieQ13 said...
Jan. 11, 2011 at 7:15 am
Oh My Goodness!!!! This is amazing and I can totally relate. I hate girls like that! Awesome poem. :)
DrDreRemain said...
Jun. 30, 2009 at 9:22 pm
this is wonderful.
DoctorDavis said...
May 13, 2009 at 6:38 pm
Man this is a pretty good poem, I thought it was funny and really well-written. Nice job :)
HannahBrooklynn said...
May 11, 2009 at 8:30 pm
i loved this (:
the last line was brilliant.
HelloThere777 said...
Feb. 8, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Dude this is AMAZING!!! It's so funny, props to you bro hope you keep writing!!
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback