youll subside

November 26, 2008
By Hannah Risner, Waverly, OH

Shackles bound my hands, though willingly placed, to restrain me from sinking in this cycle once again. You've drawn your choices like dust, randomly fallen, randomly picked. This is based on chance, and luck detests me, breathing down my neck to show me what I'm missing. If I were made of marble, flawless stone, would my open ended words be your fixation? And grab your attention like I never could? Surely there's something in this earth worth breathing for… besides you. Justify me, justify yourself. My throat is closing, time is ticking.

My hands fall, broken; hopelessly scratching at this glass I've been thwarted by. When did you have time to build such a structure? Or all along, have I seen you working endless nights building this intended for nothing but my downfall.

You built me up solely to tear me down. A daunting figure to occupy the void you call your life.

You want it all, every eye, every hand, and the first one you can't get. You fly through endless pain, endless pain.

If the approval you earn at the end is half of what you dream of, they're a fool.

Ill forget, and you'll subside.

Ill forget, and you'll subside.

And when you close your eyes, I hope I've painted an awful drawing for you to sleep to. Longing for something, so you are no longer hollow…vacant. Citing blind sources, burying lost words.

Ill forget and you'll subside.

This poison that you spit is more corrosive than I have ever found an antidote to. Your promises ring like torture, and ill still pretend they were never true.

Ever color, every light, every figure I come in contact with can see all I've ever been is trapped. I need you much worse than I could ever begin to say.

Drain me of my blood, of my thoughts, I'm much more likely living without them, than without you.

My throat is closing, time is ticking.

I squeeze my eyes tighter than they've ever been shut. Trying to hide from myself, to get away from this horrid wretched scene.

Now I have to leave. I have to run so far away that when these shackles break, ill be too lost to find my way back home.

Please tell me it's just a dream, and when I open my eyes, ill be right by your side. Freezing in the night, just like we remember. When I open my eyes, I can let you drown me in forgotten bliss. When I open my eyes, ill open them for yours.

So we can go down together in misery, and awful times.

If you were half the person my mind has built you up to be, then you'd be soaked though in perfection.

Or please assure me this is hell, so I can be the perfect person, and find an open door. Before I'm ablaze beyond recognition.

Ill forget, and you'll subside.

Just lie to me, I'm fantasy. Not a human to walk this earth.

She isn't perfect. Nothings perfect, unless its tied to your side, which she will never truly be.

Every day we're getting older. The chances you take are proving themselves disreputable. The air keeps thinning, the time is dwindling faster than you dreamed.

Though behind this structure I'm still stuck. To watch you make endless mistakes, endless mistakes.

I'll forget, and you'll subside.

I'll forget, and you'll subside.

The author's comments:
Everything will always get better, I promise.

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