A dark forever night

November 20, 2008
A Forever night (dark)
She is gone as is that night
Whisked away like the sweetest chocolate
To only be tasted but not to have
To have
I let myself crumble the night afterwards
Sleeping was never the same
Not without her to brush away my fears and care for me

I am but a child
I am but a man
I exist to dream, to gaze at the moon
Dreaming while standing tip-toe on the hard earth beneath me
To only let my nose graze the clouds
For if I ever reach any further I will reach the point of no return
To only dream and never conquer
To never feel that love again
To only reminisce about that field
To only wish to be next to that willow
To forever live in hopeless purgatory
Throwing an eternal penny to the cold wishing well
Hoping the same thing
For her to return
Only wanting to see her passing would make my life complete
To see her happy
Whether it be with me or some other more worthy man

A lonely night made lonelier with dimmed stars frowning down upon me
Looking at me as if to say
“Poor creature, I pity him”
Food doesn’t taste the same
Chocolate tastes only like chocolate
Not comfort
Not safety
Not joy

My blue eyes turn from stone to blazing magma in a matter in milliseconds screaming to the stars in rage, sadness, and pain
I collapse
Like a man made of cornbread
Fresh out of the fire
All the sweetness pouring like salty regret from my eyes
Each tear burning my skin more than the last
But they won’t stop

Someday our children will learn
Being young, being naïve
Is the greatest gift
But the true gift is knowing when and how to love
When to trust someone with your heart so ragged

An unwelcomed breeze streaks down my spine
Like an evil snowflake black with fear and hate
Its chill tattoos my left shoulder with a dark discoloration

If only I was always lonely
Maybe I wouldn’t know such a never ending abyss
Grabbing me tight until my last breath bursts out
A simple pathetic yelp

Though my skin seems cold and dead
I still feel your warmth
Though I seem afraid of what has been said
I still believe every word you spoke
Though I know there is no end to my dread
I still torture myself with the memories of august leaves
Though I fall and wish to slam my head
I tear myself to pieces
As a ribbon one was tied in your hair
I could’ve only held on for so long

My fingers letting go despite my desperation to hold her
I screamed in writhing pain when the wind first slammed into my lungs
Forcing me to breathe a thought I wish never existed
But just like that snowflake I too am burned into something
Into her, but not the way I wish
I am but another ugly scar
An attribute she is totally ashamed to tell of
If she had one chance to cast that scar away she'd do it in a moment's notice
Wouldn’t you?
I know I would

There’s no rescue
No Headline
Just an obituary
Outlining her poorly orchestrated funeral
The funeral of her patience
The funeral of my hope
Never to say, “See you later”

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