We the people who live alone
Dedicated to the proposition that
All men should live in solitude
In order to form a
More independent individual,
There is nothing to fear but
These ties that bind us together,
For we have no regrets but that
We must interact with others,
For what God has joined together
Let everyman tear asunder,
We, the American people, right hands raised,
Do solemnly swear to:
Never speak face to face
Forsake the company of our fellow man in favor of our multitude of multicolor screens
And to be as individualistic as possible
We pledge to each other nothing but our
Screen Time
Commercials
And sacred wallets