November 11, 2008
I have a conflict between me and myself
It’s been quite inevitable for some time now
I am damned
I am utterly alone
With no one to blame but myself

I walk through the night
Guarded by shadows
And only seen by street lights
The lights are beacons in a black sea
The only world that I knew
That I would ever know

And, I, in a trance, sit looking out to the stars
While I feel that I’m alone, I always was
For some reason I cant seem to get out of this trance
And shake off the cold

My face lit up by the moon
My desire to leave this place was constant
Am I damned?
I’ve indicated to you before that I am…

I am not sure why I wake each evening
I try to lie back down only to be greeted by miserable dreams
So I look out of my window and stare at the lights that call to me
And on such clear nights it looked like heaven
Instead of hell

I have gotten sympathy from other people
To soon though it was buried deep in my own turmoil
I have tried to brake free of this state
But the more I do
I feel both my hatred and my own weakness more then ever

This brought nothing but a vague longing
My agony is unbearable
I’ve been sinking into this darkness
I am weary of longing
Tired and alone

So I return to the night
To the streets
Where I am at peace
And the street as always is utterly quite
I close my eyes
And feel the cool breeze across my face

Now feeling more desperately alone
With no one to blame but myself…

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