my dream | Teen Ink

my dream

February 1, 2014
By imcrazy BRONZE, Helsinki, Alabama
imcrazy BRONZE, Helsinki, Alabama
4 articles 1 photo 6 comments

Waves beating on the sand,
there we sit hand in hand.
basking in the bright sun
enjoying the company and having fun
together making castles of sand
as if all is done with a magical wand
the sun begins to set
it seems like we have just met
but we have known each other for a while
now even a thought of you makes me smile
we begin to walk
and start to talk
that we are perfect for each other
and for the rest we may not bother
our steps and heart were in such a sync
that you can't even think
he stops and looks at me
i look up and he is all i see
a bit lower than he lean
and it's like a perfect scene
i always wake up feeling like a happy bream
and i realize it was just a dream
then i am left lorn
crying like a baby newly born...


The author's comments:
hi everyone. i wrote this poem when i was 13 and since then i have been writing many.. hope you like my piece!

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This article has 4 comments.


tlakra said...
on Nov. 2 2014 at 10:39 am
Awsome !! rana ! :* <3 !! keep it up ! 

imcrazy BRONZE said...
on Feb. 6 2014 at 9:54 am
imcrazy BRONZE, Helsinki, Alabama
4 articles 1 photo 6 comments
thank you so much! i'll take in account of your advice though.. thnaks:)

on Feb. 6 2014 at 5:43 am
deeplythinking GOLD, Orlando, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 24 comments
Sorry didn't clarify but what I meant was a metaphor to an actual bream in the water.  Thank you for the poem keep it up!

on Feb. 6 2014 at 5:41 am
deeplythinking GOLD, Orlando, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 24 comments
I enjoyed your poem, its concept, and rhyming scheme.  You might want to revise and tweak it a little by adding punctuation and capitalization in order to fully delivery your desired message.  I did like how you used the word bream at the end and maybe you could further that in an extra line or two in a metaphor or analogy to how it relates to the waters that you and your friend walk by in the sand.