October 21, 2008
So I kind of sort of miss you
How will I make it through the night
I’m starting to doubt this
A train of thoughts are traveling through my mind
I can’t help but be spooked
At my own accusations
The moment that I left you house
I was feeling kind of lost
You left me feeling kind of lonely
Our like seems to come at a cost
What happens next
What happens then
When the images in the mirror
Start to blend
Sending shock waves through me mind
A reminder that I need to stay in line
Trust me
I have no idea what I want
Everything seems to go unsolved in this mind of mine
Churning like butter
I grasp your t-shirt in my hands
The blood leaves my head
I’m starting to descend
Why now
Tell me why
The song we rocked in rhythm to is like a trance in my mind
Release this heart of mine
Traveling to the east
I’m beginning to find some peace
Now, darling lest be strong
We’ve lasted this long
And it’s a hard road
To travel on
It’s a big load to carry on
The train comes to a stop
I think my pulse just dropped
I’m heading to a place
Where I can’t find the mercy that led me to the grace I found
Led me to the speakers blaring loudly
I sleep trying to find peace
Sorting through my wishes
I begin to dream of us
Surrounded by the sound of bells chiming loudly
And children prancing around me
Oh why
So I follow this pattern
Will it last
Till I die
Coming to stop now
I remember your eyes
Te smiles we gave mutually
Causing birds to sing
I walk around seemingly lost
Will you find me a home
Out of this madness
Bring me a book
Let me read until I’ve found the remedy
A melody
Describing what has become of me
They bells chime louder
I’m fresh out of luck
I’m starting to pace now
Help me calm down
I’m running steadily now
Fearing all tot fear
You voice playing over in my ears
What is the reason fort his
Commitment is a plus
And some girls want just that
But I’m running
Suddenly I’m tripping and falling
Falling down
I’ve collapsed onto the ground
My shallow breaths are killing me
I can’t get any air
I know I’m not acting fairly
You seem so rushed
As if you’ve come to save me
From this
This indeed
My misery has sprouted from the seed I call resentment
For what I’ve found
The bells
H the bells
They chiming louder
My head it shaking
On the concrete now
I’m losing it
Losing it
I’m choosing it
Choosing it
I’ve found
What I’ve been looking for
It’s the answer for my rebellion and it’s stepping through the door
This building kind of out of pace
In this large filed
It resembles the feelings that I’m having
The resentment I’m choosing
Choosing it
I’m loosing it
Loosing it
God help me
I can’t see
I don’t know what’s become of me
I’m treading through the waters flooding my mind
My soul
It’s never been quite whole
I’m feeling so relived
As if I gained control
But I haven’t
The captain of the train
Is prancing with the children now
I’m right thee ahead of them
Their chasing after me
I can hardly contain my joy
Oh why
I’m sounding like the at band called Eisly
I’ve lost my grip on humanity
And I smile
For awhile
I stop
With myself
Oh why
I’ve chosen not to die
Not tonight
Not tonight
I’m letting go without a fight
It was a dream
I’m awake laying
I turn to my side
The dreams are starting to remind me of this
Your in my bed
I don’t’ know why
Your not out of my head
I’m going crazy now
What’s become of me
I yell
Into the crowd
The children are laughing loudly
In blink
There all gone
Your no longer laying next to me
Your key is on the ground
I gave it to you just last week
It unlocks my heart
I bury it under the piles of laundry
What has become of me
I pick up the phone
Allowing the dial tone to hum to me
Oh why
I thought I was high enough to touch the sky
Like the statue of liberty
The freedom has gotten to me
This isn’t right
I’m claiming what u had
But through the window
I see you walking to your car
You slam the door
And drive off
All because my fear
You felt like a prisoner hear
Damn commitment
Damn regret
This feeling
It’s such a pest
My head is throbbing
I sit on the floor
Begging for a solution to what I just explored
Oh why
Oh why
I’ve lost you
I’m anything but okay
No I’m not alright
The hunger is getting to me
This is anything but fine
I can’t call you mine
Any longer
I sit still for hours
Contemplating your departure
Its clear
Clearly you doubted me
I walk into the foyer
I find a hand written not
“I love you but you got what you were wishing for”
This I quote
He’s now on the boat back to his home
Where I’ll never be found again
I’ve lost my lover
My closest friend
Oh why
Oh why
Lord help me to survive this sold and bitter afternoon
I’m sobbing
Oh, why!
This was so seemingly right
Until I ruined it last night
Same old me
Ruining love left and right
I tear up your letter
I know I’ll be fine
I’ll pretend for awhile
This night mare must come to a close
I smell the sweet rose beds
Outside is calling my name
I’ve lost and found my answer
But it was all in vain

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