I Knew

October 18, 2008
It was way past midnight when I called.
I first dialed her number and it was off.
Then, I dialed his number and it seemed to just keep ringing forever.
They couldn’t be somewhere together I knew it to be crazy.

Yet, in my stomach, the knot wouldn’t go away.
My mind knew better or maybe it was my heart.
The beating was faster like a runner in a race.
It kept pounding in my head like drums.

I tried to calm myself and made many excuses.
He loved me I knew he did.
Did he love me at this moment right now?
Was it just something that was only there when no one else was?

Could everything I have, truly being burning at this very moment?
Was it soon to turn into ash and then perish with the wind?
I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts.
It doesn’t seem possible and slowly the denial is fading.

The suspicion and worry began creeping into my mind.
My stomach turns and I suddenly feel sick.
I call for what seems like the millionth time.
My eyes are not clear and my ears are muffled.

It was impossible, it had to be.
My body began to tremble and my heart started the ache.
Pain began eating me up as I slide to the floor.
I’m not sure how I could feel it, but it was happening.

Fate took a drastic turn leaving me behind.
With no time to catch up, I closed my eyes.
All my fears were suddenly alive.
All the reassurance and promises that were told began passing by.

All made sense even though I didn’t want it too.
They had been in denial just as I had been.
I only had chosen to believe what I had wanted to.
Suddenly it became clear like a blind person being able to see.

The ringing of my phone continued on.
It seemed to never stop and I wondered if it ever would.
By this time I didn’t even want to know.
I already knew.

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