she lies on the floor of her bathroom
her eyes wide and witless with fear
she wimpers, a hand to her stomach
not caring if anyone hears
this life of hers isnt worth living
this hell puts the devil to shame
she can't tell you what true joy feels like
can't even remember her name
she gave up the food that repulsed her
with doubting that ripped her appart
she can't sleep at night for fear of the dreams
that seize her and pummel her heart
people were too loud, too frightening
unworhty of trust and of time
so she turned to her pen and her paper
and the voices that spoke in her mind
but the pen grew to heavy to carry
the paper to garrishly bright
and she found herself trapped in a greyscale
no more good or bad, wrong or right
and locked up alone in the darkness
she gave up, relinquished control
and though she tries hard to be stronger
she knows she will never be whole
now she hauls herself up and stand gasping
fighting to see and to breath
and i turn with disgust from the mirror
ashamed that this nightmare is me.