October 5, 2008
By Yoshika Agee, Bronx, NY

I don’t know the reason
I don’t know why
Each and every time
I fall vulnerable to your prey.
My legs collapse
And suddenly I forget how to walk.
I forget to breath,
And all I can do is cry.
Shed tears I promised myself
Would never fall down these cheeks.
I don’t know how
To get over you
And even still after all that has happened
There are vestiges of hope.
My logic tells me to scrub them out
But they are obstinate in remaining.
I guess I got ahead of myself
I was too hopeful
Then I dripped and oozed hopelessness.
I’m desperately trying
To hold onto you.
But I need to let go
Right now.
It should have been earlier.
It’s crazy when I think about it.
You have no idea of the power you hold
Nor of the strength of your words and actions.
You couldn’t possibly imagine
How I toss and turn for you at night
The never-ending drams I’ve had of you
The numerous poems in your honor and my despair
The countless stars I’ve resorted to wishing upon.
I’m confused.
Should I be mad or sad?
Probably neither. Regardless-
I let the tears flow freely
But this time I’m unsure
If I can hold the promise that they will be the last
For you.
I feel like a fool.
I am a fool.
I’ve been desperate
I’ve been played
Stomped upon by my own two feet.
I can’t help but blame myself
For the hole I’ve dug out.
I should’ve known and took the signs as they came.
But I ignored them,
Flicking them aside with my thumb instead.
I have to let go now because I feel the pain returning
And I’m scared to feel it again after weeks of numbness.
I’m afraid of falling, so I step back.
All the way back to a time before I ever saw your face
Before it had any meaning
Before my heart was in your ignorant fist
But in my secure chamber.

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