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A Winter Song

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Remove all of thy garments,
and near the hearth-
nestled- shall be our place
of warmth,
for in such a season-
which laughter despises,
an all things of beauty
thrive along pride-less
- must we procreate,
for such warmth!

2


Remove all of thy garments,
and near the hearth-
nestled- shall be our place
of warmth-
When bleak grows the month,
and sickly our roses
shall your eyes still
gleam,
of such sweet iridescence
and your smile grant
such a divine presence-
so from you
is such gleaming warmth.

3

Remove all of thy garments
an near the hearth-
nestled- shall be our place of warmth;
after passions have fleeted
from such blissful exhaust,
and tremulous I became,
and weak in my thoughts-
when you is all that
shall keep me warm
may then winters
solemn song be sung!




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This article has 3 comments. Post your own!

MckayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
today at 5:15 pm:
Wow, Raeee really critiqued this poem. Umm...there were a few scattered typos here and there. But hey, that happens to all of us. I like the concept of repition. I do think it flowed nicely. I didn't see the necrophelia in it. But then again your idol is Poe. So...But the image is clear to me. And romantic. And your language is so old-school like the greats before us. I don't mind Old Ye' English. Dunno why many people do. By the way, I haven't heard of this poet that inspired yo... (more »)
 
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raeeeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
yesterday at 9:33 pm:
I don't like it. I know you're using repition, but it just doesn't seem to flow with the rest of the poem. It seems jagged in areas, and the emotion is just lacking. I'm guessing it's to be about a couple cuddled in front of a fire, but I just can't see it. It doesn't seem right and I can't place my finger on it now, but there's something missing other than emotion. Also, the second stanza made me think she was dead or something? I don't know, just the way... (more »)
 
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TargonTheDragonThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
yesterday at 2:31 pm:
i like the repition, and also how the ending lines rhymed. sometimes i feel like the only poet here that uses rhyming is me:P
 
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