August 29, 2008
The big white bowl in front of her
Reminds her of everything she hates
Herself, her family, all the food that she ate
The puddle of water she can see herself in
She knows what will happen before she begins
She looks at her wrist knowing what she will have to do
Add another color at least one, maybe two
Getting tired of the feeling that her belly will burst
She is aware of what she must do first
So she pushes up her sleeves
And she begins to heave
She crams her finger into the back of her throat
As she feels her stomach start to bloat
After a few tries something finally comes up
She stares at the mess and thinks to herself “yuck”
Nevertheless she does it several times more
When nothing else comes up, she lies on the floor,
Feeling dizzy and lonely, she lies there thinking
After all of this she wished her body was shrinking
As drool rolls down her arm
She knows she is doing herself harm
Feeling empty both emotionally and physically
She washes her hands and rolls down her sleeves
She wipes her mouth to get rid of all proof
Of what she’d been doing while her family was aloof
She flushes away the dinner she had eaten
But inside she felt like she had been beaten
Her eating disorder had won, so she felt
And her throat hurt so bad it seemed to melt
She lay on the floor crying
Inside she felt like dying
She knew she was slowly killing herself
While she got the paper towel from the top shelf
She wiped up the mess on the toilet and floor
And though she loathed it, she wanted to do it more
She could eat as much has she wanted and not worry about a thing
Except her friends, her family and the possibility of dying.
She got up off the floor, and wiped her tears away
Though the feeling inside her surly would stay
She walked back downstairs as if nothing had taken place
And she slapped a fake smile on her sad face.

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