A Forced Smile

September 12, 2008
A small window lights the room with sunlight.
I shy away into my corner, perfectly afraid of harm.
I can see the darkness envelop me, hiding me from the world.
I agree with it every time it feeds upon my soul.
Each time I pain more, but it feels no different anymore;
I’ve become too good of a friend with it.
I resign in my own flaws; I know I’m not perfect.
No one is meant to be a flawless leader.
I can compare to the sorrowful of the world.
My heart breaks each day from a new start.
I long to see the colors of warmth;
Not the dying dreadful emotions that have become me.
I try to hide everything I’ve experienced behind a forced smile.
I giggle, laugh, and smile like most people.
I just burn inside from hurt and pain.
I am no different with my secrets.
They just haunt me as untold lies.
Tears form in my eyes, but I swallow them back.
It kills me to be told that I am not who I am.
I try each day to compare to millions of souls.
I quill in embedded dread that I am something shy.
I am quiet, and short, but looks shouldn’t judge it all.
I know I can be angry, and tempted with my moods.
I can’t see a day with sunlight unless I learn to forget.
I can’t manage that though; something I long to not have.
I want to come clean of my shell, but I fear greater more.
Few do my friends know of my ridiculous past and lies.
Secrets I keep hidden behind a forced smile.
I aim with an arrow at my own heart,
And feel it pierce, bringing forth pain and blood.
I’ve hidden behind a forced smile a bit too long.
And for once I wish I could be myself without having to hide something.
I am me, and my pain is my pain.
I will learn to forget and not regret in the future.
But something still stands in my way:
A forced smile.

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GSDoyer said...
Sept. 22, 2008 at 12:32 am
This poem is really good. Well done, well written. And yeah, you're work reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe; which is a great comment. Keep up writing, you're really good at it!
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