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Flying machine

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The perfect cloudless blue and this Europe sky,

A breezy-mildly weather and yes, i was in cloud nine,

And there came Wright's machine,

As an eye catcher, They stuck me in ambitious spirit,

I desired i could be the one riding that flying machine.



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lugubrious said...
May 17, 2013 at 3:09 am
Okay. So firstly there is an error in the verse about cloud nine. It should be ON cloud nine not in it. Besides from the it seems too simple. The simplicity doesn't do the piece justice I think it would benefit from more complex ideas and using more poetic devices. For example a metaphor or simile couldn't go wrong. However all that aside I did like the way it was structered even though it needed complecity it still struck me! I was drawn in as a reader and left wanting more! I like the ... (more »)
 
Hamzawaseem said...
Apr. 26, 2013 at 6:15 am
I like the ambitious touch to the poem. The thoughts were expressed. But I would like to advise you to write simple verses and master them first. Then go for complex ones.  P.S.: Never quit writing. Quitters never win and winners never quit.
 
LariElaine said...
Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:58 pm
i love the rythme you put in this! Its wonderful! Keep writting!
 
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