My Last Moments Of Grandma

Outside me I see the pale face and skinny arms of grandma.
Inside me my heart is crumbling because of what lung cancer is doing to my beloved grandma.

Outside me grandpa is holding grandma’s hand begging her to stay strong.
Inside me my stomach tightens because I am scared of what lies ahead.

Outside me I see my cousins playing with legos in the children’s room.
Inside me I wonder if playing with them would get my mind off things.

Outside me I walk back to grandma’s hospital room.
Inside me I wish grandma didn’t have cancer and I pray that God would take good care for her if she doesn’t make it through.

Outside me a nurse tells me that now isn’t the best time to go inside grandma’s room.
Inside me I feel like I’m falling because I’m scared of why the nurse told me not to go in.

Outside me I demand to go in for I can’t stand being away from grandma with the short time we might have left together.
Inside me I’m scared of what is beyond that door.

Outside me I see grandma’s face turn green, Aunt Marty crying and screaming for grandma not to go and tears streaming down my Dad’s face,
Inside me my heart breaks in two and my knees buckle from beneath me.

Outside me I run to grandma and tell her I love her, but I’m not sure if she heard me for she’s in pain.
Inside me I want grandma to stay.

Outside me grandma’s face turns white and she stops gasping in pain.
Inside me I pray Please take grandma safely to heaven.

Outside me everyone is mourning for grandma.
Inside me I long for the joy I saw in the children’s room.

Outside me we pray for grandma’s safe passage to everlasting life.
Inside me I wish to hear grandma’s voice one more time.