Paix Dans Mon Âme

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Slowly I breathe...in and out...
I have to control the anger that is
A constant companion in this house
My fist curls into a ball and my nails dig into my palm
I'm clenching my teeth and squeezing my eyes shut
A tear falls from the corner of my eye
No one notices and annoyed with myself, I wipe it away
My heart clenches and I feel an ache that goes far deeper
Than any physical wound ever could
The pain is always there… always there
And I don't know what to do anymore
I've tried counting to ten
I've done my time in counseling
But the ache that seems to be there everyday
Has yet to leave me and finally go away
All that I have ever wanted was calm
I don't want to sweat the small stuff
I don't want to hate my mom
I have to take a break and go outside
I'm surprised that I haven't started
Smoking or doing drugs
I try to walk it off and in the end it goes away
But I'm not fooled,
It's coming back later
It was just used so much that it needed a rest
There is tension in my shoulders
In my back and in my neck
But that doesn't bother me,
It's there so often I hardly notice anymore
Sighing, I look up at the sky
Seeing the beauty around me in the midst
Of such a troubled world brings tears to my eyes
I go to the front steps and sit there
I just sit there, close my eyes, and breathe deeply
Smiling slightly, I realize my addiction
I bow my head down low and pray to God
And I know that he can hear me
My heartbeat slows and my hands are no longer clenched
The sky is ablaze in the most beautiful spectacle of colors
Nature has calmed me once again with all its wonders
The weight that was holding my heart down shifts
And I can sense my worries being removed from my soul
The world seems almost...peaceful
The corners of my mouth lift and I sigh once again,
This time calm, having surrendered to the beauty God has surrounded me with
I can feel him all around my as my soul soars free at last
A tear falls from the corner of my eye and I wipe it away
At last...at last...there is some peace

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