I’m pathetically in love with my brother's best friend.

September 4, 2008
By Jessica Sparks, San Deigo, CA

So here I am, washing the dishes,
The sound of my music is competing,
Against your game and your constant,
Blares of anger at the snipers,
My soft voice sings along with the lyrics,
Begging them to reach your ears,

“The more I see you,
the more I want you.
Somehow this feeling
just grows and grows.”

Will you hear? Only time will tell,
As I wash this plate for the fourth time,
Looking in the window I see me,
Grabbing the knife I cut my neck in the


If only, that’s how pathetic this is,
Oh look, I even imagined a stain on the plate,
So I could yell at it to get your attention,


I sigh, in perfect tune with the song,

“With every sigh I become more mad about you,
more lost without you,
and so it goes.”

This song is my every thought about you,

Ugh, I’m pathetic,
Why am I doing this?
Do you even get how I feel?
Its torture, having you and your blue eyes,
Dangled right in front of me,

“Can you imagine,
how much I'll love you,
the more I see you,
as years go by?”

Earlier when my brother was here,
You teased me, it took all my strength


To blush, you’re so wonderful,

I was texting a guy; you made fun of me,
What does that mean?

A gasped because my brother left ,
His dirty plate in the counter,
Your blue eyes looked up and asked if I was ok,
you sounded concerned…was it just me?

I can’t stop thinking about you,
I’ve tried to stop, you invade my every dream,
And thought, you’re like a cold I sneer at,
But secretly welcome,

“I know the only one for me can only be you.
My arms won't free you;
my heart won't try.”

Another song comes on,

Its ok,

I wash this knife for the third time,
Putting it to the side,
That same song comes on again,

Did I know I would need it when I first
Made this playlist?

Hmm, I should make a poem about this!
Now my heart is racing with the words I could say,
How to explain how I feel,
Now, as you are only a few feet away,

Can he hear my thoughts?
I keep peaking in the window to see,
If your reflection looks my way,

Did it? Did I miss when?

Another song comes on,

“I never knew,
I never knew that everything was falling through,
that everyone I knew was waiting on a queue,
to turn and run when all I needed was the truth”

I hear you say something, I look at you,
I’m so blinded by your lips and your eyes,
I can’t understand either of them,

Did you want the music down?
Oh, you said you wanted it up,
you laugh; I turn my back to you,
How can my face heat up just at that sound?
Is it the password to my heart?
Oh, that is so corny…

I dry the plates and stare at the wall,
On and off listening to the song,

“And everyone knows I'm in,
Over my head,
Over my head,
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She's on your mind,
She's on your mind”

I stop at those lyrics,

Could it be?

I smile, at least the tiny bit of hope,
Raging in my veins,
Dares me to dream this song…
No, I frown and look at the window,

Did you just?

I sigh; I really need to write something,
Putting away the dishes,
I gracefully pack up the iPod thingy,
And walk away out of the room,
Being careful not to trip on the cord and
make a fool of myse- too late…
Maybe I should stop this inner dialog.

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