Living Under Influential Lies - LUIS my father

August 29, 2008
By Daisy Arriaga-Lopez, New York, NY

It’s good to know I have a father who cares
If I was upset he would run through chairs
Saying to me every night, I love you baby girl

God I’m about to hurl
Because I don’t have a father whose been with me all my life
Just one that’s been missing for thirteen years,
one whose showed more love to his wife
But see he came back when I was 13
And even then I was able to make a scene
But I didn’t, because I believed that people can change
That wasn’t who you were,
to me you was just something strange
Now that I’m 16, I’ve seen more than enough
Mommy telling me ‘yea your father is tough’
But please daddy, I’ve seen through your bluffs
This might upset you and frankly I don’t care
So go ahead and pull up a chair,
‘cause I’ma bout to tell you everything you wanted me to share

You know I’ve lived near the projects my entire life
I’m a good kid with good intentions
Sorry was that something I forgot to mention?
With all the pain in my heart I picked up a pen
And wrote all the time asking god, when?
When will he return and fill in this empty space?
Sooner or later I realized it was just a black place
Mami telling me to give up cause you didn’t want me
Gave up on making us 4, ‘cause what was best - was just us 3
At the age of 10 finally told the truth
It hurt so bad it was worse than pulling out my tooth
I cried for 6 days
Then picked myself and made some new ways
I went through 5th, 6th and 7th not caring for your existence
Because I realized all you wanted was this huge distance
Here comes 8th grade finally going into high school
Finding a paper with you name and address like it was all cool
Cried once again, not sure why, anger? Or joy?
First thing that came to my head was oh boy.

Three years later and yet nothing has been resolved
Instead you made more people involved
I can tell you about all the times I punched the wall
But then again would you care to hear it all?
Or how about the time I cut myself?
Do you feel better about yourself?
How does it feel knowing that your own daughter, the ONLY one you didn’t raise
Has so much fury and anger for you?
It hurts me to tell my real family that my father is no where to be found.
How does that sound?
I understand you are trying
But everything you telling me I ain’t buying
Cause im seeing it with my own eyes how much you care
Im seeing how often you are really there
Your kids are your family and they should always come first

I am no idiot
And I know the entire truth
So don’t think I’m no different because I’m youth
I do not consider your part my family, because family actually calls to see how I am doing everyday
But I haven’t had a conversation with you in 2 months and its already the end of may

What I have said has probably upset you
But please do not act like this is anything new
You classified me as a difficult brat
And if you want I can be just that
But labels only make things worse
And for that, ill explain exactly who I am in one full verse

I am the typical Puerto Rican
That nobody will ever weaken
I speak my mind and I speak the truth
If you don’t like it then leave the room
Matter of fact go in that silent booth
I make myself known and come in with a boom
I do things right
And if hell came my way of course I will fight
Nothing stands in my way and it sure ain’t starting now
I’ve accomplished so much it will make you say wow
I’ve stood a straight A student ever since I can remember
16 years ago you made me and I popped out in September
I’ve never had to prove myself to anyone because nobody else matters but my mother

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This article has 1 comment.

Rogue said...
on Sep. 3 2008 at 3:19 am
This is really, really good! (And I'm not just saying that.) It really got me, I'm right there with you, assuming that this isn't fiction! Anyhow, I think that your poem's name should be an acronym of your father's. L.(living)U.(under)I.(influential)S.(?) Just a suggestion, and KEEP WRITING!!


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