Papa's Little Angel

January 2, 2013
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I was Papa’s
Little angel.
I was happy.
I lived in a fantasy world
All controlled by little white lies.
I would cut off beetle’s heads
In the sandbox
And watch them squirm about, mindlessly.
Just as mindless as I was.
I was unaware of anything bad.
Everyone I loved was protected by an angel.
In my mind, nobody could die.
That was a horrid thought.
But everything was “Perfect”.
I thought only boys wore pants
And ate repulsing food, like bologna.
I clothed myself in dresses
And sparkling shoes.
My room was pink from ceiling to carpet
With Barbie decals on my walls.
I wanted to be perfect just like her.
I have been artistic ever since
I can remember.
I still am to this day.

I’m a tad bit different now.
I’ve grown to realize
This world
Is filled with violence.
I’ve held death close to my heart,
Until his very last breath,
I was his little girl.
I knew “perfect”
Was too good to be true.

I wasn’t sure how to deal
Without my sanity,
Without my best friend.

My mother soon left without
A word spoken.
I felt alone.
I pushed away everyone close,
Then she came back.

I was very opinionated,
My way was the only option.
I was stubborn;
Whatever I was told the opposite was done.
No one could convince me
Where I was going,
Hurting myself and others.
Twenty six little red pills
Helped me get a bed in the hospital.
I never did learn my lesson.
I was beyond selfish,
I was… I am a profane, rebellious teenager.

I’m still hurting others.
Myself more than anyone.
I want to go back
To those young days.
I’d live the same fantasy,
Filled with masks to hide
All the terror that is real.
I would still believe in cooties,
And that getting dirty was for boys.
I would still be
Genuinely happy.

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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

WaffleOcean2934 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 2, 2013 at 6:42 pm
Wow, the difference between the before and after is really good.  Nice work on it!  
tSoens This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 14, 2014 at 10:07 pm
Thank you!
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